Why high-functioning women may need recovery long before they realize they
are stressed
You’re getting things done.
You answer the emails, meet the deadlines, take care of the people who depend on you, solve problems, and make decisions. When something unexpected happens, you figure that out too. From the outside, you look like you’re handling stress remarkably well.
But your nervous system may tell a different story.
One of the things I have learned through years of working with trauma and mind-body healing is that functioning well and being well are not necessarily the same thing.
Many accomplished women become exceptionally good at functioning under stress. We adapt. We push through. We become more organized, responsible, independent—and sometimes even more successful. Eventually, however, the body may begin revealing what our calendars don’t. We have trouble sleeping even though we’re exhausted. Our minds won’t turn off. We become impatient or reactive. We have difficulty concentrating. We feel guilty when we aren’t productive. Sometimes slowing down itself feels uncomfortable. We assume we need to get better at managing stress.
But sometimes what we really need is to help our nervous system recover from it.
Your Nervous System Needs Recovery
Your stress response isn’t the enemy. It’s an extraordinary biological system designed to help you respond to challenges. When your brain perceives a demand or threat, your body mobilizes. Attention sharpens. Heart rate may increase. Muscles prepare for action. Energy becomes available. That response can help you give the presentation, navigate the crisis, or meet the deadline.
Then something else is supposed to happen: recovery.
The body needs opportunities to receive the message: The challenge is over. You can stand down now.Modern professional life doesn’t always provide that ending. The meeting ends, but there are 17 emails waiting. You leave work, but your phone comes with you. You finish helping everyone else and immediately begin thinking about tomorrow.
Eventually, activation can begin to feel normal.
Five Signs You May Need More Recovery
- You’re tired, but have difficulty slowing down. Your body wants rest while your mind insists you should be doing something.
- Small problems produce big reactions. The traffic jam or frustrating email may simply be landing on a system already carrying too much.
- Rest makes you feel guilty. Doing nothing feels uncomfortable because productivity has become your default state.
- You’re constantly anticipating what’s next. Your brain continually scans ahead: What did I forget? What could go wrong? What do I need to prepare for?
- You rarely feel truly restored. Stopping isn’t necessarily recovering. An evening scrolling on your phone may mean you aren’t working, but it doesn’t necessarily mean your nervous system is resting.
Give Your Nervous System Different Experiences
We often tell stressed people to relax, meditate, take a vacation, or think positively. Those things can help, but nervous-system regulation isn’t simply about becoming calm. Our nervous systems learn through repeated experience. Create small moments throughout your day that communicate: There is no emergency right now.
Take several slow breaths before opening the next email. Walk outside without your phone. Move your body. Notice tension and release it. Spend time with someone around whom you don’t have to perform. Pray. Laugh. Sit quietly. Leave something nonessential unfinished.
And sometimes, do something difficult. Set the boundary. Have the conversation you’ve been avoiding. Allow someone to be disappointed with you. Try something physically challenging. Do something you aren’t certain you can accomplish. You may feel uncomfortable—and discover that you can handle it.That experience teaches your nervous system something powerful:
I can do hard things, experience discomfort, and still be okay.
That’s how we build self-trust.
The Goal Isn’t Calm. It’s Flexibility.
A healthy nervous system isn’t permanently relaxed. It knows how to mobilize when life requires action and recover when the challenge has passed.
Professional women are often rewarded for how much we can handle. We learn to push harder, work longer, and carry more.
But resilience isn’t measured by how long you can function without stopping.
Perhaps instead of asking, “How much more can I handle?” we should begin asking:
“How quickly can I recognize what I need—and trust myself enough to respond?”
Sometimes strength means knowing when to push.
Sometimes it means knowing when to recover.
Wisdom is learning the difference.
About Gwen Brehm
Gwen Brehm, LPC, is a trauma specialist, speaker, consultant, and faculty member with the Center for Mind-Body Medicine. She is the founder of Beyond Broken™, a framework designed to help people move beyond survival patterns by strengthening nervous-system regulation, self-trust, resilience, connection, and meaning. Through psychotherapy, workshops, retreats, and organizational consulting, Gwen helps individuals and organizations understand that healing is not simply about what happened to us—it is also about who we become next.